Heart of Strength: Forgiving One's Self

I am sure that in the course of this year, I will have a lot to tell of trials and tests of strength. However this entry is about my experienced in making mistakes and finding joy in moving past that moment. It was also inspired by a prayer stone my parents gave me when I left home. On the stone, one word was engraved.

Tuesday after Labor Day, Alex, Becca and I had a meeting with Jack. We got our schedules which had us working in some combination or another in each of the four departments of service. They consist of youth, children, elderly, and community service programs. We were told that we would start our scheduled work the following day.

After our meeting with Jack, we went to the library to get library cards. So I had the chance to checked out a book called "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra. Personally, I thought it was an ok book. Some of it bugged me a bit and some of it was things I already knew. However, two things stood out to me since I hadn’t thought them before. 

One is that silence is hard. Even when we are not talking or around any sound, we are not truly in silence. Because our minds or still thinking about stuff and it is hard to empty our mind of the sound of thoughts. 

The other is the difference between our objective self vs. our realistic self. In one of my business classes I was assigned to read "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". In the second chapter it talked about “starting with the end in mind.”  How do you see yourself being remembered. I can safely say how I would like to be remembered by others, but I can't tell you how I see myself without feeling ashamed for coming up short of that ideally self. I have learned that this image of how I wanted to be seen might have some fragments of me, but it was overall an objective “me.” I have to face myself, flaws and strengths, honestly. I knowing that at times I am going to make mistakes jumping in to new work and building relationships with the people who I am helping. I also know that by jumping in and making mistakes I will learn how to do the job right. I know that I never want to make mistakes but the truth is that I am going to make mistakes sometime down the road. I am growing to be ok with that truth about myself and know that I will grow stronger because I am ok and I'm going to learn. 

I have also started become more active on Facebook again after being off for two years. I am glad to see what everyone has been doing lately. The weekend following the start of work here, a good old high school friend of mine updated her art gallery on her Facebook page.  

(Just to note: I loved to draw pictures all the time in high school. Any time I had a pencil in my hand and a paper in front of me I would love to drawl. My Seiner year of high school I drew so much that my hand hurt. I did draw in college but not as much as I did in high school and when I graduate from college I had a hard time getting myself to draw. It felt more like a chore than a joy to draw. I did not feel joy in the moment that I started or finished a drawling. Only in the brief moment in the process would I find joy.) 

But as I was looking through her artwork, I saw something that I felt that I was missing. The feeling of being ok. Of a simple joy and a simple love in her art. With me learning to be ok with myself, and seeing art with that same feeling of being ok. I finely found my old childhood feeling of the love of art. So once again, it is hard for me not to want to drawl because I am looking forward to each picture that I am working on and the next one I am going to work on. And if they are not perfect or my idea of good quality, I am ok with it. Why because I had an old friend tell me once, "the thing about drawing is that you can always erase a mistake." For me it can also mean, "If I make a mistake in work or in life I can always find a way to ask for forgiveness,  learn from my  mistakes, and continue to walk forward in life learning along the way".  I can learn from making mistakes and learning from others and their mistakes along the way. We can't undo a moment in time but we can make the next moment better by our strength to learn and forgive.

Oh, the word engraved on the prayer stone: “Strength.”  I know that there is still more to learn about “strength” and I am going to be open to learning what else comes of it.    “Strength” is my prayer. 

The Start of the Adventure part 2

Becca, Alex, and I were luck the day that we arrived in Montana. Our fights arrived earlier than expected and we missed the smoke from the fires. Our site coordinator, Jack, meet us at the airport and drove us for two hours to Chinook. When we got to our site, we had a chance to see Jack's church and meet our host families. Becca and I are staying with the Andersons. Alex is staying with the Edwards.

The Andersons own and run an apiary. Becca and I have had a chance to look around their shop and also got to see how they get honey from their bees.

The next day our orientation started with a walk around town. We went to the post office, visited some of the places where we will be working, meet some of the people we will be working with, and where interviewed for the towns local paper.  Finishing off the day, we went out to a meet and greet event to let the people in town have a chance to get to know who we are. There was  a lot of conversations with people we meet earlier along with many more new people.

The following days became more relaxedwith more places to see, paperwork, and discussions of what to expect. Most of the discussions where form how things have happened in the past years that Chinook has been a YAV site. For me, it was overwelming to try to remember so many people here in one week. I am starting to get to know some faces, but the names will come in time. Jack told us that it is ok if we don't know everyone right away. That is comforting to know.

 I have also learned a bit about the economy here in Chinook during the week. With my degree in business, I am nateurly interested in understanding how the local economy works. Here,they have a lot of small family businesses. Because of the land being rural, they have lot of farms that grow a lot of local goods. The railroad are very important because they are the main way to transport their goods they grow nationally. They also have a casino. I know that from a business perspective this is may appear to be a hard place to run a business and expect it to last a long time into the future. But if I look at it realistically, I see a place where entrepreneurs are born and raised. Thing change over time with business structure but they seem to have their needs met. If they lack in an area, then they build and adapt.

On Saterday, Becca and I helped work concession at the High School's volleyball game. They had two games going at the same time. I think that their was a total of five teams playing there that day. It seemed to me that when they finished a game and switch off playing a different team. When Alex showed up we got hem to help work concession with us.

The Start of the Adventure part 1

I know that the title of this entry is interesting. However, there is a reason for it. At the star of this adventure, all of the YAVs where brought together for a week long orientation. We would later find out that will we have another orientation at our sites. This entry will be about the orientation at Stony Point, NY.

I left Monday morning in August. My mother took me to the train station in DC where I was to catch my train. I ended up a delay that took several hours. With the extra time, we had talked and ate before my train did come. Finally early afternoon, I was on my train. I road the train from DC to Newark.

 When I arrived at Newark, The first YAV that I meet was Alex. Alex was also going to Montana and be one of the two other YAVs who I will be working with. As we went through the proses of getting from Newark to Stoney point, we ended up meeting up with more and more YAVs. Our group just making it to our orientation site before dinner ended. (Don't worry, they would have still taken care of us if we where late, but it would have been a wait before we could eat.) That evening we had some information given to us and worship service. After, I went to my asigned room and went to bed.

The fallowing day was a tough day. I was introduced to Becca, who was also going to Montana. (Meeting Becca was not the tough part of the day, I had just had a chance to meet her on that particular day.) We where introduded to the topic of injustice in our social systems. Right off the bat we where give a lot of information coming all at once of things to think about and wonder. By the end of that day, I was drained but excited. I felt challenged. Even though my college was tough, the descuthions and examples of the problems challenged me in a different way. If anyone asked me how I felt the difference between the two, I would tell them that I felt like a I had taken a hard turn from a road that I felt was forward to a new road going off into a completely different direction. Their was talk that the rest of the week would not be as heavy as that day was. They where right. The rest of the week gradually became more easier.

The rest of the topics did test me at times but most of it was for our preparation and understanding of how thinks can be at our sites. We played a few games to teach us, had talks with our small groups, learned new songs, and asked questions. We were incearaged to meet with everyone. We had a chance to visit with other places of worship. My group went to the Broadway Presbyterian Church and learned more about their urban ministry programs. We went in even smaller groups to local churches. It is nice to see and learn how the Presbyterian churches in New York take are of their communities. There our groups went through a commissioning survice. My church back in DC had done something similar before I left, but it was nice to be able to do it again with other YAVs who were leaving for their sites. We ended our Sunday evening with a worship service that had its own send of with communion.

My Becca, Alex  and I left very early Monday morning for our site out in Montana.

#YAV1516